So here it is. A day in the life of a mum whose child is going through separation anxiety. The clinging to my leg, arm, well, any part of me she can grab is a very regular occurrence. I sat next to her to play once and she immediately started to cry and climb back onto me. I think as mums, we love holding our children close, taking in their small features, watching them sleep as newborns, and one thing I couldn't wait for was that moment that she cuddled me back. At 9 months old she did. She put her little arms around my neck and held me so so tight. And I loved it. It gave me the warmest feeling inside and I wanted more. I got more, lots more. I have to admit, even now, after over a month of her hanging off me like a little monkey, I still love the arms around the neck cuddles. They are the best. However, this phase of separation anxiety is draining. Every part of me is tired. Physically my back aches from holding her so often. Emotionally my heart aches that every time I need to leave the room for the tiniest amount of time, like to go to the toilet, she cries. Big tears streaming down her face crying. Loud scream crying as if to say how dare you leave me. Mentally I'm exhausted as all I can do is reassure her I am coming back as quick as I can, and I am getting nothing done in the meantime. The washing piles up, my eldest daughters school uniform sat on the side waiting to be ironed, cooking is done while she cries next to my leg. We had a health visitor review at 9 months and we discussed this phase over a zoom call. She reassured me that I was not alone and they were seeing a much more exaggerated phase due to the lockdown. I do feel for these small babies who only know their parents and siblings. I wonder how they will adapt as the world slowly gets back to normal. My mother came to visit, she is our support bubble during this pandemic. Ava wasn't settled at all. She could see me and would reach her arms out as if to say please mummy I want you. I had a KIT day at work and planned it around her nap but when she woke, my mum got her from her cot and we noticed if I wasn't there that she seemed much better with other people. So maybe that's what I need to do, hide away while she gets used to the rest of her family. As the lockdown rules ease and we are able to get outside, I notice that Ava is much more content, absorbing the world that she hasn't been able to see for so long. I really hope this helps ease her fears and we will get our lovely happy baby back.
