Thank you to Jessica Healey for sharing your story
At just short of 39 weeks I was diagnosed with Pre-Eclampsia. The doctors decided since I was full term anyway an induction would be best for the benefit of myself and baby, so I was booked in for an induction at 39 weeks.
The day I went in for my induction I didn’t really know what to expect, I had an 8 hour pessary inserted to soften my cervix to get the induction going- unfortunately 3 pessaries and 24 hours later and not a lot had changed I had dilated to around half a centimetre. Thankfully I had a midwife who was able to break my waters still to start off my labour.
I was put on a hormone drip, to help the labour progress. Again I didn’t have much luck- I went into active labour and was on gas & air, and diamorphine but after 17 long hours of labour I was only at 5cm dilated, with babies head stuck in my pelvis. This then meant they had two options it was either leave me an hour and see if I dilate anymore, or take me straight for an emergency section to get him out.
At this point I was honestly exhausted I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. The exhaustion had taken over, I just told them to take me for a section- I cried, I was terrified of the thought of it. My mum also cried with me as she remembered 21 years before being told she would have to go for section with myself and she didn’t want me to go through it.
They got me into a gown, and took me down to theatre where I was still on gas and air and having frequent contractions. They needed to insert the spinal block between the contractions so told me to tell them when I’d have a contraction. After having the spinal they ensured I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down and began my section.
I won’t lie I don’t remember much about the actual feeling of the section or anything through the exhaustion, all I remember is seeing them pull him up and out over the sheet, and take him over the be weighed where my mum cut his chord.
I was then passed him once he was cleaned up and honestly the instant love was just the best feeling it made the whole process worth while, the long labour the exhaustion, everything.
However, it doesn’t end there with a section, there is the recovery which is hard I won’t lie. I cried most of the time whenever he cried because I wasn’t able to turn to just pick him up. I couldn’t just cuddle him as and when I wanted to because I couldn’t reach for him. Honestly it was the hardest part of it all- that feeling of not being able to do what your child needs you to do. A feeling of guilt and hurt came over me but I thought it would pass, unfortunately for me it didn’t I felt like I couldn’t bond with my baby, I felt helpless and useless. I didn’t feel like a mother. I was then diagnosed with post-natal depression on top of a c section recovery.
But we made it through both the recovery and the PND, and here we are 2 1/2 years later closer than ever and expecting our second baby, who is due to be delivered via a planned c section.